| PRESIDENT |
| VOTES: 003523 |
Edie
K. Chertu
Women's College of Greater Kaliningrad.
Major: Slavic Studies
Major Achievement: First woman to wear short-shorts and
over-the-knee boots while carrying a sword in Kaliningrad.
Vision Statement: "Wash
a dish for a man, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to wash dishes,
he can get a job. He'll then probably buy you a dishwasher for your birthday.
If he can afford a dishwasher, he can afford a place of his own. Now you
can kick him out with no guilt, and never wash dishes again!"
| PRESIDENT |
| VOTES: 000033 |
Boris and Gleb Academy and Seminary
Major: Pre-Orthodox Studies
Major Achievement: [Editor's note: After the arrow came down and split Lev's skull, he's been a bit discombobulated.]
Vision Statement: "I shot an arrow in the air. Where it falls I do not care. Oaaaach!"
| PRESIDENT |
| VOTES: 000351 |
Northern Lights School for the Arts
Major: Poetry and Drama
Major Achievement: Publication of Junior Honor's Thesis: "Ennui, Angst, and Other Men I Have Known"
Vision Statement: "Lenin is dead. Stalin is dead. But Mayakovsky is immortal."
| SECRETARY |
| VOTES: 000003 |
Bulgarian Police Institute
Major: Capitalism and Accounting
Major Achievement: Had three of my father's employees arrested and shot after uncovering oats to bulgur scandal.
Vision Statement: "Civilization exists because there are laws, lawyers, and lots and lots of snitches."
| SECRETARY |
| VOTES: 004387 |
Grape Growers Institute of Kosovo
Major: Vintage Wines and Olives
Major Achievement: I once did not finish a bottle of Tito '65. I now be very sorry.
Vision Statement: "Life is like wine: There's red and there's white, there's sweet and there's dry, and there are good years and there are bad years."
| SECRETARY |
| VOTES: 000013 |
Leti Babochka
Czechvovsk College of Dance
Major: Dance Interpretations of Insects and Other Harmless
Creatures
Major Achievement: Broke world record by standing on
one leg for 5 hours and 34 minutes.
Vision Statement: "If you take the high road
you may fall down, but if you take the low road you'll never fall up."
| SGT. of ARMS |
| VOTES: 000003 |
Belgrad Institute of Advanced Physical Culture
Major: Free Weights and Jock Straps
Major Achievement:
Once I lifted three horses standing on a cart and pulled them up hill
for 5 kilometers. Enough talk of horses being stupid animals!
Vision Statement: "When all men are strong as the
oxen, there will be no need for animals of labor or other stuff."
| SGT. of ARMS |
| VOTES: 006921 |
College of Audiology.
Major: Glasses and other Non-Intrusive Sight Enhancers
Major Achievement: Honor's Thesis: "Dots that naturally exist when you close your eyes, rub them, and look directly into a flashing camera: No Myth"
Vision Statement: "When I was a young girl in Carpathia, I saw a sparrow in the distance. That bird is still seen by me because I killed it and had it stuffed."
| SGT. of ARMS |
| VOTES: 000043 |
Natebe Shtraff
Red
Flag Traffic School
Major: Parking ticket writing and no turn on red.
Major Achievement: Wrote 135 parking tickets in one hour
in Emergency Entrance to Moscow Trauma Clinic No. 3 after major apartment
building explosion and collapse.
Vision Statement: "If everyone stopped where they
wanted, the road to the radiant future would become a parking lot."